me+people=bad

I am NOT a people person. Have you picked that up? Here's the reason (or my decided reason, anyway): I am a people pleaser. I want to do no wrong to anyone. However, in my quest to people-please, I am CONSTANTLY hurt, offended, or flat pissed off in one way or another. Example 1: Little bit's bday party. I invite God and everybody and then don't get an invitation to my own niece's family birthday dinner (have I rammed that into the ground yet?). Example 2: I'm trying to legally park at the Christmas parade yesterday and some man stands in front of my car in broad daylight w/ a hawaiian print shirt on (yes, at the end of November) and proceeds to wave his arms around like I am blind and flying towards him at 65mph in a car with no brakes. I was dead stopped. My tires weren't even rolling. I proceeded to roll down my window and yell at him (there was a little more to that story but I'll spare you all the details--just know that he deserved to be yelled at). Some lady yelled at me today that "THE SPEED LIMIT IS 15MPH!!" so I stopped, backed up, rolled my window down and politely informed her that I was going 15mph (let it be known that I was at the entrance to where I live, having just turned off the highway...I could'nt have been going very fast). I don't like people.

Have you noticed how we feel invincible in our cars? If someone cuts you off in your car, just yell and scream and cuss b/c they can't hurt you. If they are in the middle of the street (which the woman was) talking to someone in another car (parked in the middle of the street) and you are in your car, let them yell at you. As far as they know, you won't even acknowledge them. WELL, WOMAN...YOU HAVEN'T MET ME YET! I call people out. I don't like being called out for things, and if I am made to feel uncomfortable in that manner, I make them equally as uncomfortable. I have stopped for NUMEROUS people (mostly children, but still) in this place and confronted them about what they had to say to me as I was strolling along in my car. I also confronted this HEIFER of a woman at Kroger one day who ran a stop sign and proceeded to shoot me a bird like I had done something wrong. The only thing I did was continue to drive and not hit my brakes, praying the entire time she would take off my bumper so I could sue for something stupid like a toe jam. I am NOT crazy and would NOT hurt someone physically but DON'T for a SECOND think I'll let you get away with being ugly to me. I won't!

Right after I turned 16 a friend wanted to go to the movies with me and another friend one night. She was only 15 and when we asked her mom, her mom said "I'll let you since you are going with Ashley. I know she can take care of herself." Translation: "Ashley's mean." I wasn't always like this. My insecurities have led me to this point. When I was in high school people picked on me...a lot. and for a year and a half or 2 years, I just took it and tolerated it. I went home daily and cried and wrote in my journal about how sad I was. And then one day, it was like a light shone over my head. Instead of just going home and crying, I'm going to fire right back. I started to do that and within a year or so, people didn't pick on me anymore. I wasn't an angel by any means. I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have about people, but (and this is NOT an excuse) it stemmed from them saying something about me. It hurt me, then made me mad, and then I snapped. When I started dating my (now) husband, one guy (who I didn't get along with anyway) said it was "f-ed up" that he was 8 years older than me. I cornered him during break one day (in front of my most favorite teacher) and told him I had 2 mother's and didn't need another one, but if the position opened up, I'd let him know. I'm pretty sure it was him who wrote "B****" in the dust on my car.

Translation: Ashley's mean.